The Road So Far

It has been a long year. Back in May I shared that we began the process of embryo adoption with the National Embryo Donation Center in Knoxville, TN. On November 15, we travelled to Knoxville and I received an amazing birthday present, one I thought for so long impossible – I became a mom. Just these last few weeks have been nerve-wracking with many emotional highs and lows, joys and fears. And a long path still lies before us, full of unknowns. But the Lord knows, He hears us and He cares for us. And as we pray, we pray that above all else God would be glorified through this journey.

Below is Ben’s summary of the process to date. We appreciate all your prayers. Continue reading

Don’t Skip Church this Mother’s Day

mother's day

A blog that I enjoy called The Carry Camp did a post this week for those dealing with infertility or miscarriage about how to get through Mother’s Day. In response to a reader’s question, the author offers ways to cope with this difficult day ranging from escaping through pampering and distraction to processing the grief and working towards healing. I greatly appreciate the acknowledgment that sadness is ok and the encouragement to ask loved ones to pray for you and be with you throughout the day. These are very helpful reminders as Sunday approaches.
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In the Company of Grief


Saturday my husband preached the funeral of a beloved church member that unexpectedly passed last week. Yesterday was the anniversary of the death of Ben’s brother many years ago. This coming Saturday we will attend another funeral for another saint. The past couple weeks have been a particularly difficult time of mourning for me in the midst of our infertility journey.

It feels as if grief is everywhere, pressing in on all sides. Some fresh sorrow, some old, yet all the same – engulfing, unrelenting. Continue reading

The Option of Nothing

option nothing
Our pursuit of children began, as it does for so many couples, with a decision to go off birth control. A couple years passed by and we found ourselves faced with questions we never imagined we’d have to consider: Which infertility tests did we want me to have? Which tests did we want Ben to have? Did we want to begin treatment without a diagnosis? Which treatment facility did we want to go to for further evaluation? Did we want me to undergo more invasive testing and treatment? How would we pay for treatment not covered by insurance? With which of the different types of assisted reproductive technology were we morally comfortable?
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Dealing With Unfulfilled Desires

desiresI have had a desire for children for as long as I can remember, hoping that my lot in life would be as a mother. Over the course of the past few years, though, I have come to terms with the fact that it may never happen. One difficult aspect of this situation is that my longing for children does not go away just because it has not been fulfilled. On top of that, discerning how to handle persistent unfulfilled desires can be confusing and complicated. My husband and I have been told that as long as we have the desire for children, we can—we must, even—pursue its satisfaction, and we can rightfully expect God to deliver. Doesn’t Scripture say as much?

“Delight yourself in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

Psalm 37:4

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God’s Faithfulness

As I sit at the cusp of this new year, I must admit, I look at 2016 with a sense of dread. The year past has been difficult, and I fear nothing will change in the year ahead. I feel defeated before the clock has even struck midnight.

I feel this hopelessness because I forget God’s faithfulness in my past, and so I doubt it in the future. I grow discontent and angry with Him over what I do not have and what He is not doing in my life, all the while forgetting what He has already done and what He has already given me. Continue reading

The Pain of Sanctification

I expected the Christian life to be so different than what I have found. God tells us to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16), and I have prayed to such an end without ever giving it a second thought. I must have imagined that God would make me more like Christ just by flipping a switch. One morning I would wake up and oh! I wouldn’t be selfish anymore. Another morning down the road, and wow! my envy would be gone. And so my sanctification would continue for the rest of my years on earth. I would grow gray and holy, eventually finding rest from the struggle against sin, and then seamlessly slide from this world into glory. Continue reading

Guest Post at The Carry Camp

carry camp guest

I’m thankful to be a guest writer this week at The Carry Camp. This is a wonderful blog for women dealing with infertility, as well as their family and friends. I have found it to be a great blessing as ladies that have walked my path before me encourage and point to Jesus in the midst of suffering.

I’m participating in their series on “How to Love.” These articles are aimed to help friends and family know how to effectively love and encourage those struggling with infertility. I hope you’ll hop over and take a look.

Good God?

The pastor at the church I attended in college once used an illustration that has stuck with me ever since. He told the story of how his wife and children were in a horrific car accident. When he received the call informing him of the accident, there was no information about the condition of his family, whether they were alive, injured, or dead. In the frantic rush to get to them, this question kept going through his head: “Is God still good if I get there and my whole family is dead?” Continue reading