As I sit at the cusp of this new year, I must admit, I look at 2016 with a sense of dread. The year past has been difficult, and I fear nothing will change in the year ahead. I feel defeated before the clock has even struck midnight.
I feel this hopelessness because I forget God’s faithfulness in my past, and so I doubt it in the future. I grow discontent and angry with Him over what I do not have and what He is not doing in my life, all the while forgetting what He has already done and what He has already given me.
It’s been a long year for my husband and me. In January, he finished an 18 month trial to be licensed to preach in our denomination. Since that time, he has continued his rigorous studies, now working towards ordination and hoping to finish in 2016. In June, we were finally licensed by the state of Maryland to foster/adopt after a 3 month process turned into a yearlong process. While we have received calls for temporary placements and ages far above what we can take, we are still waiting for the call for a child with the age and situation we can say yes to. In August, we opened up to our friends and family about our struggle to have children after years of trying. Shortly thereafter I began writing about this difficulty as a means to cope and process it. Throughout the year we were able to vacation as well as see family and friends from far away, time made all the more precious by its rarity. We have continued to learn and grow in our jobs and relationships. We are feeling more at home in a place that still seems new and foreign even after two and a half years. Through all of this I have gone from immense joy, to bitter anger, to bleak despair, and round again.
Through all of this God has remained faithful.
For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD!
God has been faithful to me this past year. He has not abandoned me to my anger and despair, nor left me to dwell on the great blessings I so easily turn into idols. All these good and bad times have made me the person I am today, and, thankfully, I am very different than I was last January. I know more deeply my sin and need for a Savior, and I know that Jesus is the only one who can save and satisfy me.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
What we easily forget and must remember as we enter this new year is that God is faithful. He will continue the work He began (Phil 1:6), making His children more like Jesus as time passes. Maybe the dreams we’ve long awaited will become a reality, or maybe we will be faced with new difficulties on top of old ones. Either way, we can face whatever this year holds grounded in the knowledge that God is faithful to care for us until we reach our eternal home.