My Portion

A lot of my life has been spent hoping and waiting – for college, for marriage, for my husband to finish seminary, for a church to call him, for children. I hope for something, and then I wait.

Some of those times seem never-ending, like starting a family. We hope for children, but month after month my husband and I have waited with nothing to show but disappointment. We hope to adopt, and after waiting through the long approval process, we have continued to wait for that fateful phone call saying there is a child for us.

We are still hoping and waiting to be parents.

People have told us we “just have to be patient until God says ‘yes,’” and “it will eventually happen,” as if parenthood is inevitable. But those well-intentioned comments are only empty promises. The hard truth that we have had to face during this time of waiting is that the wait may never end. We may never be parents. The crib and baby items we have collected may simply gather dust until we finally give them away. We may never get matched with a child, or feel life kick within my belly. We may never experience the exhaustion of midnight feedings and bad sleepers, the joy of first steps and first words, the frustration of terrible twos and potty training, and all those other innumerable, tiny moments that make up parenthood.

We may wait our entire lives and never see this hope fulfilled, and that thought feels like it will crush us. But the anticipation of parenthood is not our ultimate hope.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
Lamentations 3:24

Having this hope, or any other, met is not what will ultimately fulfill us. Nothing in this world can do that, only the Lord. So yes, we hope and wait for things in this life. But we are not destroyed by frustration of our hope because we have a greater hope in the Lord. We hope and wait for the day when He will finally redeem this broken world and bring us into glory. And that is a hope that will not be disappointed.

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